Funky and Friends

Now folks, you are not going to believe this! I have just returned from the BBQ which I was invited to, just up the lane from me. when I get there there isn't a soul in site. Methinks 'Funky old bean you have the wrong date' It was only Baxter hareing out of the door, gob full of sausage roll, followed closely by high heeled shoe, that made me realise there was life on this planet. Everyone, well, all six guests plus mine hosts because the weather is so crap,were sitting indoors watching a film. They wave towards a solitary bottle of beer and a stale egg and cress sarnie 'Shushing ' my every move. Right pissed off I was, I can assure you, after all I had even put water on my hair for the occassion but that’s OK they had made an effort, not much of one but an effort all the same. Good job I bought a bottle or two of red as my contribution.
Sitting down on the floor I couldn't believe the crap they were so engrossed in called 'Speed three' or something like that. Have any of you seen it?The third sequel to the so called action adventure sees our heroes trapped aboard a runaway tractor with a radioactive pig strapped to the roof - set to explode if the tractor’s speed falls below three miles per hour. The script is particularly lame and the performances are rarely anything more than mediocre. It is only the spectacular action sequences that make the film worthwhile, and Ronnie Corbet is to be commended for performing many of the stunts himself. Of particular note is the thrilling conclusion, in which Tommy Lee Jones, playing the villain, attempts to make his getaway by hanging on to the legs of a giant eagle. Corbet pole-vaults onto the bird’s back and wrestles it to the ground, finally subduing the vicious creature by smashing its brains out against a cigarette vending machine. I don't know about shooting the film ? They should have shot the director.
Baxter of course comes to my rescue as usual performing his famous party trick. It's called 'Crapping on the carpet'. Here boy! Have a biscuit.
Hic…. I feel like a lie down before I fall down.
……. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm off to a BBQ now. I'm not sure i I;m in any sort of mental state after being involved in Usksiders latest blog but I will do my best to enjoy myself even although it's frickin' freezin' and blowing a hooligan.

Cheerio, I maybe some time

A nine year old girl in Berlin has been arrested by Interpol and is now being questioned by British detectives regarding the cash for honours scandal which almost broke Tony Blair.

The girl called the police when her mother told her to tidy her room. The girl's two year old brother raised the alarm and the police came round. After the police laughed about the room, they received an urgent message telling them that the girl may not be as innocent as she looks.

Her younger brother is believed to have masterminded the whole thing with Tony Blair's knowledge. The girl provided the muscle and it's beleived that she may have threatened Blair with wedgies and chinese burns if he mouthed off.

The allegation has been strongly denied by the girl's mother who said "Dieses ist eine komplette Last des Misten, vermutlich begonnen von Gordon Brown, der eine Spitze pissed weg mit Tony im Augenblick ist".

A Bill is about to get its third and final reading in the Commons next week which could affect many of our up and coming British rock music groups.

If the Bill is passed, then all rock bands must have a realistic name and not one just made up, to fall in line with EU trade description policy. This is in response to complaints received in Brussels and the confusion that was caused when some Italian conservationists bought a CD by the contemporary beat combo, the Arctic Monkeys.

"We knew about arctic foxes and arctic hares but we had no idea that you could find monkeys in the frozen wastes of the arctic circle. Imagine my dissappointment when we got it home and found that it was a load of english lads playing their loud thumpy thumpy in their bedrooms"

The Band named The Killers are due to appear in court later next week on charges of attempted murder along side Amy Winehouse, although sources say that she will probably get away with a caution as she has just opened a chain of off license and convenience mini markets.

It is rumoured that Paul Rodgers is contemplating quitting the music business altogether.