Funky and Friends

Good Evening.
Have you just got home from work with a blinding headache? Do you just hate having to go to the chemist just to buy overpriced placebos in an effort to cure thet annoying headache? WELL NOW THERE IS A NEW AND ENTIRELY EFFECTIVE WAY OF COMBATING HEADACHES!

Scientists at the University of Bedfordshire's department of Buggering about and Headology have discovered a cure that offers real benefit for those on the move. My drinking partner, Professor Ivan Aikenead explains.

"I find, that when I have a pain in the arse head the problem can be solved by using to large bricks. What you must do is take a brick in each hand, and place your head in between them like this. Than you clasp them together and apart until the pain subsides. I will demonstrate. That's once more Toget......"

It is clear that from the lack of complaints from users of Brickology that the effects are immediate and permanent, you need never worry about headaches again! Another clear benefit of the Aikened Method over inferior brands is that its free! Just nick 2 bricks from a building site and your chortlin'! So don't hesitate go out and test the benefits of Brickology.

(The creators of BRICKOLOGY are not responsible for any adverse effects of the medication. These include.. loss of head, permanent brain damage, accidental death and loss of hearing.)

A newlywed couple were looking for ways to make a few extra
bucks. They had thrown around a few ideas, but the husband
suggested that his wife do some prostitution. On that night he
let her out of the car and told her that if she needed anything,
he would be around the corner. He then tells her that she is to
charge no less than £100 for her services. He drives away and
parks around the corner. A car pulls up with a man asking for
service. She tells him that it will be £100. He digs around in
his wallet and pulls out £30. He then asks what he can get for
the money. She asks him to wait there for a minute and tells
him that she would be right back. She runs around the corner
and explains to her husband that she has a customer that only
has £30 and asks what she can give him for it. The husband
tells her that she can give the man a hand job. She runs back
to the car with the man anxiously waiting for her return, and
tells him that she will give him a hand job. She gets into the
car and begins unzipping his pants. To her amazement, she pulls
out a very large penis. She then asks the guy to wait there
for just a second more. She runs back around the corner and asks
her husband "Can I borrow £70?"

Go away. I'm thinking.

PS: While you are here you might as well read this guy. He is hilarious.
http://grumpus.blog.co.uk

Now where was I?   Ummmmm?

Border tensions between England and Wales have increased after Welsh farmers seized 15 English ramblers accused of trespassing on their pastures. The Ramblers' Association rubbished the claims, saying that the elderly walkers were on a recognised public footpath.

The farmers paraded the ramblers at a village fete where one of the captives confessed whilst being was forced to present the raffle to straying from the path to look at a butterfly. Another hostage was seen spinning the tombola in the background, surrounded by burly shepherds.

The farmers later released the only woman hostage, Mrs Faye Wiggins, who spoke to the press about her fear in the hands of her captors: "I was kept separate from the others and then the farmers told me that the men had been let go." She broke down in tears as she talked about her humiliation when made to judge a cake competition at the fete, during which she was forced to admit that Welsh cakes tasted better than English cakes. As she was sampling the cakes under the watchful glare of members of the village's elite Women's Institute, she could hear other local women talking about "stodgy" English muffins behind her.

Mrs Wiggins sold her story to the Monmouth Gazette for a rumoured two figure sum.

The incident has been regarded by some as a deliberate attempt by the Welsh to divert attention away from their ongoing cultural enrichment process, and specifically the development of their own language capability. However, UN observers have reported that the Welsh are "a very long way off" having a credible, coherent language of their own and that such propaganda, like their rugby team, should not be taken seriously.

Good Morning.

Had you ever thought that if it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight!

I just wondered