Funky and Friends

Ok I'm about to mention what I promised not to mention when I mentioned it before.

I got a real roasting from the nurse today coz when she visited me unexpectantly this afternoon I was doing a bit of hoeing in the garden. Not very energetic hoeing you understand. More like shoving the implement about here and there, while watching the birds doing their thing and such like. Nurse Fay says I'm overdoing things? Yeah as bloody if!

Ms Funky then arrives home from the shop and they both get into syncronised nagging mode. Anyway, the outcome is that I should sit down for at least two hours a day and play quietly wiv me laptop. What sort of a result is that? YES!!!!! I never thought the day would come. Funky is back you lucky people.

With that I'm off to bed.

Nite nite

Hello dear reader.

You have to understand that the following article was sent to me by email and I cannot therefore authenticate it's validity. However my source is usually pretty accurate. See what you think.

" Kate Middleton's split from Prince William was sealed when her mother "jangled her car keys" in her pocket in full view of The Queen at a race meeting last month, friends of the future King have revealed.

The incident is said to have sparked a huge row at the Palace and left Her Majesty in a scorching fury which only subsided when joy at Dagenham and Redbridge's promotion to the football league, on which she had bet a large part of Buckinghamshire, intervened.

Palace sources say a distraught William was left with no choice but to end his four-year relationship. He was only cheered when – in an unusually sensitive moment - grandfather Prince Philip reminded him he would now be able to "fuck around a bit".

The Middleton family – whose two-bed, semi detached home in Bootle-sous-Mer has been besieged by reporters – have insisted the key jangling was an innocent mistake and that Kate's mum was only trying to temporarily relieve painful razor burns.

But court insiders were adamant the gesture had been made in a "suggestive manner" and implied that the offence was compounded by an invitation to the Monarch to "get it on Corgi-style" in a variety of dogging locations in West Sussex".

I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.