Funky and Friends

Your prejudices may lead you astray today and leave you requiring four or five stitches. Remember, it's unfair to expect your friends and family to provide you with alibis.

Chew the cud with some cows today. Their inane bovine chatter may amuse you while stuck in a snowdrift on the A1 near Hatfield.

Snakes have no arms, that's why they don't wear vests or work as croupiers. So think about it. The subliminal message is there today

Hi,
There we were, Jessie and Funky 4000 miles apart. Her getting her breakfast cornflakes all over her keyboard and he getting his lunch everywhere. Oh, the marvels of modern science two old friends sitting down to put the world to rights over a nice expensive meal. The conversation usually goes thus:-

Funky ... Hi

Jessie ... Hello there

Funky ... U OK?

Jessie ... yeppers

Funky ... Wotya doin?

Jessie ... eatin c/flakes wot you doin?

Funky ... Eatin me sarnie. spam tommy and beetroot today

Jessie ... Oh that makes a nice change!

Funky ... Wot does?

Jessie ... You usually have tommy spam and beetroot

Funky ... No, I don't!

Jessie ... Yes you do.

And so on and on, same thing every day, only today I didn't dare tell her I had changed the ingredients. Yes, it's true after a decade of Spam I switched to prairie chicken, corned dog, corned beef or whatever you want to call it. I think though that for a change tomorrow I might make myself a Club sandwich. one of those multi-layered jobbies. The trouble is with heavily filled banjos is you bite one end and the contents fly out of the other and baxter gets it first, or my shirt does. One or the other, although it has to be said I do catch quite a lot in my beard and save it for emergencies like a flash famine or something or perhaps a little snack mid-afternoon.

I got this story in an email on the same suject. I can't of course vouch for it's verasity :-

Rupert Folding, a shoe salesman from Wroxham has put himself on the road to riches by inventing a new kind of sandwich. The sandwich, which runs on solar energy generated by three small photoelectric cells concealed in the top slice of bread, is cheap, easy to maintain and environmentally friendly. They currently come in three flavours: cheese, cheese and tomato, and ham. A bacon & lettuce version is in the pipeline, although the launch date has recently been postponed because of electrical problems.

Folding has based the designs for his sandwiches on blueprints made by his grandfather over fifty years ago. Colonel Gerry Folding designed sandwiches for the Allies during the war, and it was his gammon and mayonnaise baps that were instrumental in the liberation of Dieppe. The Colonel was sadly killed in 1948 when a turkey and cress roll, which he was test driving for the RAF, went out of control and collided with a nun.

Hello

Goat Escape Preventive Collar

Take a Plastic bucket lid and an old knife or a piece of wire,Heat the knife or wire up over open flame such as a gas range or wood fire, depending on goat size,if small cut rim off lid, then select a old tin can the aproximate size of goats neck ,for young goats a juice can is just right for. Heat the rim of the can and center the can on the lid and Push down till it goes thru, then Take the knife heat the blade the length and make a slit from center to rim of lid, then take a nail hold with pliers and heat the nail , and make 4 holes close to the slit one set on each side of the slit . then get some shoelace or raw hid e thong and lace it up , get the goat & have some one hold it while you make adjustments . Wow, you have a fence proof goat with next to no expense! this idea came from when granny had a calf that liked to poke her head thru the fence she used two wooden stickes formed in to an x and tied on to the calf.