@ 2007-02-25 – 11:28:35
Help!!!
It's my turn to cook Sunday lunch and they will all be turning up soon, expecting roast fricken chicken!
My problem is that every time I open the oven door the bloody thing pecks me and it don't half hurt. I have tried the CoopCo-op for a muzzle but they don't stock them.
What can I do to overcome this problem?
PS: Do I need to turn the knobby thing on the oven?
FunkyFarmer
God!!!! Your a good un!!!!! I tried the Guinness and now it's running around the kitchen clucking Irish rugby songs.
good good....more Guinness.... then grab it by the legs and attach to skyhook...it will slow down soon, very suddenly...trust me on this
UNLESS of course it doesnt ....in which case clouting it with a handy hockey stick will have to be the only answer
FunkyFarmer
I di as you said. Hung it upside down and it's frickenchicken eyes fell out! Gross in the extreme. 
nonsense...you simply dip them in batter and deep fry for 2minutes and they are tasty as anything!! dont overcook them though - they explode!
LandersUK
http://gaybutnotwelsh.blog.co.uk/?tag=chicken
I think that will explain the extent of my cooking skills which is why it's probably best I do not offer advice!
FunkyFarmer
Seems your cooking skills are on a par with mine Paddy. Perhaps we should book a table somewhere in future! A bit of lunch on it would be a nice bonus. 
talkadmin
Funky, that's what the stuffings for, give it a good stuffing first, then it will retreat to the oven. Chop its head off first, it'll still run round the kitchen but the pecking problem will cease
FunkyFarmer
THANK YOU ADMIN GOOD TO SEE YOU BACK ME OLD MUCKER
Sheffstox
Was it a Tesco chicken? 'Cos them buggers think of everything. There is a little switch just under it's left wing....
FunkyFarmer
I have on good authority it wasn't a chicken after all but a penguin. That will teach me not to rob Whipsnade!
tobstv
Hey FF! Posted something I think you should know about chickens, before you *ahem* 'pluck it and f**k it' Happy cooking! Get a knob, and cover the whole chicken before you put it in the oven (sorry, I meant of butter). Send us a piccy!
FunkyFarmer
My Knob wouldn't cover the gibblets
tobstv
Oh crap, you did take the gibblets out of the chicken first didn't you? Don't leave them in there, the bag tends to melt 
FunkyFarmer
Do I look stupid? Whatsa giblet when it's at home? I thought they hung Dick Ternip from a giblet!
tobstv
Aye, and they were swingin' high...
I bet the dinner was great.
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Guinness....a bowl full.....then it'll be really mellow OR you need to turn it upside down holding it by the legs which will make it sleep - and attach it to the skyhook. good luck!xx