Archive - Funky and Friends

Sunday's Horoscope

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 23:04:19

Avoiding the cracks on pavements can seem like a fun game, and probably is. Your ability to play this game may be affected by one or more broken legs. You have been warned before, so don't let today catch you out. If everything that's ever been said about you is true, why are you such a jackass?

Turnips and swedes are the vegetables of choice today. Mmmmm.
Be sure your duck lunch is dead. I spell: Delta Echo Alpha Delta. Get it?
A dead duck is a delicious duck, so thing on. Sunday is a misnomer in Skeggy today.

Spitting is a filthy habit and may put someone off you today. Instead of spitting you should attempt to siphon it out of your nose which is still a filthy habit, will definitely put someone off you, but at least you have an interesting story to tell for once. I would estimate that at least 50% of your efforts today will go, not only unrewarded, but also unnoticed. Life is like that this week and just when you start to get used to it you'll suddenly receive a big pick-me-up.

Gawd!!!!!!

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 22:14:50

Why is tele so bl**DY Boring? Over 100 channels and still nothing worth watching? Even if it is free courtesy of Sky It still stinks!

:zz: :lalala: :**:

Soooooo Saaaaaad!!!

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 20:23:29

Oh heck! Shrek is getting bombed out by the love of his life .... The cow! Booooo *Baaaaaaaw!* :no: :**: 88|

Whats Happening?

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 20:02:32

cartoon from <a href= www.weblogcartoons.com" />

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Of Food Diets and Addiction

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 19:42:42

It's the hardest thing in the world to admit to an addiction but, after much anguished deliberation, I feel as though it's time I came clean. I've been hiding this terrible secret for far too long. For you see, as long as I can remember now, I've had a deperate dependency on food, to the the extent that I sometimes eat up to 3 - 4 full meals a day. My situation has become hopeless, I cannot live without food now. This is not a plea for help, it's a statement of bleak resignation. There's nothing I can do about this hideous condition.

My compulsion to eat knows no bounds. I can rarely go any more than 8 hours without eating something... anything but I usually only last about 5. It's horrible. After every meal, I promise myself, "Okay Funky, that was the last time" but a matter of hours later, I start hearing this weird grumbling in my stomach (probably just my imagination playing tricks) begging me to consume yet more food. I suppose you could compare it to how smokers's hands begin to tremble whenever they start to crave another fag. It's an overwhelming or should I say underwhelming feeling of impotence - the lure of food renders resistance futile.

Every day is an ordeal. I wake up in the morning and immediately feel the need for a quick food hit. I can't help it. The "grumbling" is unbearable. I usually try to hold off 'til about 11am but it's no use, the longer I leave it, the worse the craving becomes. It's like something eating away inside of me. You might say it's an itch that you cannot help but vigorously scratch.

Food is the bane of my life. My house is full of the stuff. I even have still special contraption I like to call a "fridge" that keeps the food cool thereby making it last longer. I shamelessly do everything in my power to ensure I have some item of food at hand at all times. The house feels "empty" without food in it.

Let this be a warning to anyone who has ever considered eating food. Think before you open your mouths. Let me stress to you that THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE. I feel as if my life revolves around food consumption. I even have designated times of the day when I like to eat plus I've invented silly words like "dinner" and "supper" to describe these intervals. My compulsion has become so "normalised" it has become almost "routine".

I think something should be done to raise awareness about food addiction. Perhaps a rock concert or something like that featuring commercially successful artists. It's the least they could do. I know I'm not the only person who suffers in this miserable way. I've witnessed countless friends, family members fall foul of food addiction. I walk down the street everyday and see people stuffing their faces with evil. Something must be done.

In my view the government's continued legalisation of food is the main root of the problem. Food is so widely available now, it's hard to avoid. Hapless addicts such as myself keep up the demand so food growers or "farmers" carry on producing it. It's a vicious cycle that I believe the government, through sweeping regulatory reforms, could easily eradicate. But that of course won't happen because production of food creates wealth and, in this day and age, money is more important than welfare of the public.

Don't let what has happened me happen to you. If you see an establishment displaying or purporting to "sell" such food, walk right past without so much as blinking an eye. It will be the most sensible thing you have ever done.

Ask Uncle Funky 2

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 15:59:36

hi uncle funky.

im a first year english student and i have a boyfriend back home, the long distance thing is really hard but so far we've managed ok. Neither of us have had much money recently and so we havnt been to visit each other much, im going back home in a week and would like to do something amazing for him... to make up for the lack of me when im not there... quality not quantity and all that

but basicaly i cant decide what exactly i wanna do and would like to decide now so i can be confident when i do it............ im quite shy

any suggestions?
ta x

Hello Ta,
That's a funny name, Peruvian if I'm not mistaken?

I suggest a really nice trip to the pictures, followed by a delicious plate of tripe and onions. No need to be shy, you only need to eat from a spoon so feel confident you won't get it all down your front.

I hope your evening works out for you
Yours
Uncle Funky

Meme type thingy

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 13:08:52

ALPHABETIC MEME/Myself
- Me Alphabetically:

A = What you say?
B = eef dripping
C = you next tuesday
D = oh!
E = B I C
F = lamming Nora
G = roan
H = elp
I = see no ships
J = oker
K = runchy … OK I can’t spell
L = aperoscopy
M = wah XX
N = icker elastic
O = p it
P = ruuuuunes,
Q = irkey
R = at arsed
S = impleton
T = it head
U = n complicated
V = ick
W = hat you on about
X = ylophone
Z = ebidee
And now i tagg:
Nate
Lonemum
Ozzy x 3
Irish
Sapped

Cod 'n' Chips

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 11:06:05

You will be confronted by quite a dilemma toda...... Ooops! Wrong time of day. Cod and chips for lunch today. The question is mushy peas, curry sauce or both?

Why can't life be less complicated?

OH NO! What will I do now?

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 10:24:08

Oh oh. The mail has just arrived. Funky is in real do do, a disaster of epic proportions. Should I go out now and shoot myself or stand and face the music? That is the dilemma I find myself in on this rain soaked morning. The darstadly crime one stands accused of? Non payment of Sky subscription. Here are a few phrases from the letter.

Header reads ……. “ NOT THE BEST NEWS I’M AFRAID” ….( I have heard worse news)

Your bank Blah blah…. “However don’t panic” ….. ( Panic? Don’t be so bloody daft. Only Ms Funky's driving is capable of that)

“ It is not pleasant to have to talk about things like outstanding payment” …… ( True, That’s why I ain’t gonna be talking to ya, moron )

I look forward to getting the matter cleared up as soon as possible ….. ( You do, do you? OK try this and see if it helps. Right, do I have your attention? I CANCELLED YOUR GOD AWFUL SERVICE THREE MONTHS AGO. And my bank is right for a change not to pay you, but nice try.) Murdock is a w*,

Murdock is a w* La la la. Come on all join in! Murdock is a w*, Murdock is a w**** La la la

Good Moaning

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-02-10 – 09:39:31

Has anyone seen my teeth?