Funky and Friends

I have been struggling here for ages, since 4pm actually. Trying to sort things out for myself, rather than having people do things for me all the time! I was shown the ropes this afternoon by my lady friend that Baxter was alluding to yesterday. What a patient lady! Well she was! Funny how she suddenly decided that time was running out and she really fancied a bacon sarnie and needs to go home to feed the cat anyway. I have even driven vegetarians mad now! All joking apart, thanks a lot. I still can’t fathom the intricacies of it all but I haven’t got the heart to tell her she has wasted all afternoon.

All is quiet now, as it approaches nine in the evening. As I sit by the fire feet up and a cuppa by my side and watching my adopted gold fish. I got to thinking during a reflective moment; the reason that all fish are paranoid is that they have no necks. Look, it's obvious when you think about it: if a fish hasn’t got a neck, it can't look over its shoulder; and if it can't look over its shoulder, it's bound to get a bit jumpy, isn't it?  And, let's face it; no one wants a mentally deranged fish.I first became aware of this problem a couple of months ago.  A neighbour of mine - she's dead now, by the way, but that's another story - well she had this goldfish called Happy Shopper.  Now, Happy Shopper was... and before you ask, I don't know why she called it 'Happy Shopper'.  It was something that I always meant to ask her, but you know how it is - the question never gets asked, because there's always something that crops up - any one of the hundreds of piffling little distractions that dog our trivial lives.   The last thing that cropped up was a sixteen ton truck.  I remember seeing her standing there, frozen in terror in the middle of the road as this dirty big lorry came screeching around the corner.  I recall thinking to myself, "My God! This is probably the final chance I'll ever have to ask why she called her goldfish 'Happy Shopper'," but before I could get the question out, she was already wrapped around the back axle and on her way to Bedford.  Poor soul.Anyway, 'Happy Shopper' was something of a misnomer: not only was the poor creature extremely unhappy, but its one and only experience of shopping had ended up with it being thrown out of the supermarket for interfering with a tin of salmon.  It wasn't difficult to see that it was its inability to see what was behind it that was at the root of its behavioural problems.  Oh yes, when it comes to fish, I know how to spot all the symptoms.  When I was younger I used to have an imaginary mackerel, so I understand their inner motives.  What was needed was some sort of device that could equip the fish with 360º vision, thus allaying its fears of being taken roughly from the rear.And so I set to it, designing and building an ingenious pair of spectacles, with built-in periscopes pointing backwards.  It was quite intricate and detailed work, and it took me almost a month, often working until the small hours of the morning.   But when they were finished, they were a work of art, and I was justly proud.   Of course, it wasn't until I went next door to try them on that I realised my mistake - you can't put glasses on a fish, because they have no ears.  So I fitted him with wing mirrors instead.Oh well, that will do. I'm off to try and sort my header out now! Gawd knows what I have done to it? I just can’t put a pic in above the header? And there was I feeling so good about things, I suppose I should have known better! Help! I need Help! OK Baxter, I heard that and it wasn't very nice! Mental help indeed?
 PS Tee Hee I forgot to include the pictures  ROFL Tags work fine tho