Funky and Friends

I have been posed the question 'Is the way to a man's heart through his stomach?  I suppose that filling a mans belly is very important to keep him content and at home but what if he is not at home? Say, for instance he is serving abroad, in the army, or even if he is incarcerated behind bars, what then? Judging by the following research the answer lies in cakes. Yes you read it right! CAKE  Proving that some urban myths can have at least a grain of truth in them.
 

Thomas Pendlebury, the governor of Dartmoor prison, reports that there were no less than five attempts last year to smuggle files into the prison inside fruit cakes.  However, these incidents are just the tip of the iceberg.  Amongst some of the other items discovered within confiscated confectionery were an assortment of power tools, fourteen duplicate keys, half a dozen rope ladders and a chainsaw.   Previous finds have included a moped wedged between the layers of a Victoria sponge, and a tunnelling machine that was smuggled into the prison grounds cunningly disguised as a blancmange.  However, these incidents would have to go a long way to beat the now notorious attempt in 1983 to smuggle the whole of D wing out of the prison in a raspberry cheesecake.  The plot very nearly succeeded, and was only foiled at the last moment when an eagle-eyed young warder noticed that the cheesecake was past its sell-by date. 

   This plot may have been the inspiration for the disastrous 'Operation DeathCake,' undertaken by the SAS during the Gulf War.  The plan was for a squad of highly trained commandos to smuggle themselves into Saddam Hussein's secret war bunker disguised as a Black Forest gateau, assassinate the Iraqi leader using explosive walnuts, then escape in a dinghy hidden in an apricot and rhubarb flan.  The scheme went tragically awry when the gateau was intercepted by a sweet-toothed member of Sadism's elite Republican Guard, who found its dark, rich chocolate and creamy filling irresistible.  Three of the squad were eaten instantly, and one man only escaped after being badly nibbled.  To this day, Lieutenant Hugo Lucas still cannot look a chocolate mousse in the face. 

  Ooops!  Look at the time?  I better get back to vacuuming!., big day ahead tomorrow. We are off to Bracknell to visit M I L Oh joy!!!

Byeeeee

Good afternoon my reader.

I received this report earlier. I cannot guarantee the validity so emplore you to keep it under your hat. If you don’t have a hat then down the back of your pants or knickers will do just fine.

Respect MP, George Galloway has disappeared and thought to be in hiding today after news broke, that Iraq had executed two of Saddam's top aides and are to press the UK to extradite Galloway to be tried and hung for being one of the evil dictators closest aides and advisers.

Galloway, the ex-celebrity big brother star, ex-labour MP, ex-human being and outright communist has been under investigation by US intelligence and MI6 for sometime it was announced today and is believed that Galloway knows the whereabouts of Saddam's vast personal fortune and porn stash.

A MI6 spokesman stated today, "I can confirm that we have had Galloway under intense investigation over the last few months and we believe that Galloway was a close aide and supporter of Saddam. Circumstantial evidence leads us to believe that Mr Galloway knows where Saddam has stashed his money and his porn. After a raid on his home this morning we discovered £500 billion of gold bullion in his spare bedroom and boxes of various pornographic magazines such as "Playcamel", "Deep- throat Goats" and "Buxom Sheep".

Saddam's Nephew, Hamad Hussein, who asked not to be named in case he was hung, stated, "I would like to confirm that there was no political relationship between dear old uncle Saddam and Mr Galloway - It was purely sexual!"

Hussein continued, "It was love at first sight, Saddam always said that he found Mr Galloway attractive because his face reminded him of a camel's arse!"

A nationwide appeal was launched and a reward is being offered for information leading to the capture of Mr Galloway. The public are reminded not to approach Mr Galloway, as he is very unstable character. Unconfirmed reports have indicated Galloway has been seen dressed in woman's clothes and has changed his name to Mary.

 

Tony Blair was later forced to make a statement on the executions in Iraq and went on the record by stating, "Although I cannot be seen to condone Iraq executing Saddam and his sidekicks, I am sure the whole country will back me when I say, in the case of George Galloway, we can make an exception."