Archive - Funky and Friends

Of headaches, wimmin and other such fings

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-01-01 – 23:28:26

'ello Baxter here again.

I have been asked, or rather told to take a stint at writing our news second day running. To be honest I'm rather peeved at the whole prospect as there are more important things I could be doing like tripping Funky over in the dark or outside sniffing at voles holes. You know all sorts of terrier antics rather than sat here paw pounding this contraption.

As I type Funky is in a right state, lying there with a packet of frozen peas strapped to his head. He is muttering something about a Sadman Ooohsane's family being offered a state military send off by the French and how 1,600,000 British and Commonwealth soldiers giving their lives in two world wars to save their sorry French asses! Geez-o-Pete now he's muttering something about pandering and kow-towing to terriers or something? I should be so lucky, all I will be lucky to get is a presucked rotten old bone. Why do humans always assume we dogs prefer the scraps? I can tell you now a good fillet steak would go down really well right now. In fact it wouldn't even touch the sides.

Oh, movement from the death bed! The mighty on has risen says he's off for his annual shower It must be because an old flame will be here on Tuesday, I bet we get the full Funky grooming routine, Gawd! While I remember. I just have to tell you this. Well, last time This young lady visited Funky was rushed to hospital the day before. It seems he was in the bathroom putting toilet water behind his ears and the seat fell down and hurt his neck. It's true I tell you! Would Baxter tell you a fib? Anyway I bet he is more careful this time and will restrict himself to a little tap water on his hair, or a drop of sheep dip in his bath. Whatever he will end up smelling like a tarts handbag.

OK he's in the shower singing (sic) away so I'm going to beat a hasty retreat whilst the coast is clear. Look out Meece here I come. Yahoooooo!!!

Nite all,

Love from

Baxter xx

Baxter's Blog

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-01-01 – 18:45:31

Baxter calling, Baxter calling. Can you hear me out there mother?Oh that's OK then, a tweak on the old ear trumpet might help a bit!Ah, there you are! I thought I might be talking to myself there for a wee minute. Funky does that all the time and look at the state of him?

Things have been quiet from a terriers point of view this week, I haven't done much except my usual rounds of the known mouse holes and rides in the Fourtrac but I spose that is better than being outside in the rain. I get to see quite a lot that would otherwise be invisible to one so short. For instance I see partridge, pheasant, hares, rabbits, deer I even saw a fox last Tuesday. Funky wouldn't let me out and at him coz he thought I might get beaten up! What does he think I am? Some sort of wuss? I will have you know we Baxters were at the battle of Balaclava. OK as Lord Cardigan's lap dog but nonetheless we had what they call 'a presence.'

Looks like we are in for an adventure tomorrow (Tuesday) We are going to PCWorld to buy a new mouse. That sounds yummy. I seem to remember the one he has now didn't taste all that good and old misery said I was lucky not to burn my eyes with the laser something or other? Whatever, it tasted awful so I only gave it a little nibble and dribbled over it a bit. I really can't see why he has got the bloomin' hump? Some people just can't take a joke. It's Mrs Funky who will have the last word when he arrives back having bought half the store as 'must have' items. I just love it when he gets 'cold shoulder' for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then he will know how I felt when I sniffed at his mouse. Sort of. Well, sniffed and licked. OK, I ate the thing.

Me thinks 'tis time for a little humour around here to lighten the mood. Here is one that was emailed to me at my fan club:

Old woman; Can you get me a cup of tea?

Old man; yes

Old woman; Do you want to writ it down?

Old man; No I'll remember.

Old woman; Can I have some cereal?

Old man; Sure

Old woman; Want to write it down?

Old man; No I'll remember

Old man goes into the kitchen starts cooking a massive fry up, he takes it to his wife and she says 'Where's the fried bread?'

Well, I said it was a joke, I didn't say it was a FUNNY joke. Anyway, It was from America so that probably accounts for it ROFL Bye for now. See you again soon.Baxter

New Year Resolutions

by FunkyFarmer @ 2007-01-01 – 00:07:27

"New Year's Resolutions - 2007 Edition"
We all make resolutions that we really know we have no chance of keeping. My main one for this year was to spend less time sitting here idling my life away and to get to bed at a reasonable hour each night.
Right! That worked just fine on the very first day as I stagger up the stairs at 12:30am? So I spose that one is outta the window til next year. It's all someone else's fault though, never mine! Is it my fault I have such a magnetic, yet self deprecating personality? Being pernickety doesn't help either; there is always something that needs tidying up., my typing, grammar and spelling usually.

RESOLUTION #1
2001: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2002: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2003: I will read 5 books a year.
2004: I will finish The Runners Guide to Joggers Nipple 2nd Ed
2005: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2006: I will read at least one article this year.
2007: I will try and finish the comics section this year.

RESOLUTION #2
2001: I will get my weight down below 18 stone.
2002: I will watch my calories until I get below 19 stone.
2003: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 20 stone
2004: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2005: I will work out 5 days a week.
2006: I will work out 3 days a week.
2007: I will try not to phone my daughter in the sitting room and walk across the room at least once a week to ask her for a cup of tea.

RESOLUTION #5
2001: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2002: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2003: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2004: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2005.
2005: I will be totally out of debt by 2006.
2006: I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2007.
2007: I will try to be out of the country by 2008.
So there you have it. A dismal failure is what I am! Never mind eh! Just keep trudging ever onwards towards perfection is what I say.